The more I think about it, the more I don't think I want to have children. Until I got to college I never thought about what my life would be like years in the future and I definitely never thought about my life as an adult. Even in high school I was so good at living in the moment I didn't even imagine what my life would be like in college. Now, I am 2 years away from graduating, having a real job (hopefully) and truly being an adult. Maybe it is because I have become very independent over the last few months, with being a CF and traveling alone, but I can not see myself having a family. There are so many thing I want to do, and places I want to go. Yes, I have a few years to live on my own and experience life independent from a family, but I have never really wanted kids.

The majority of my job experience is with children. From camp counselor to swim instructor to coach. I do love being around children and, I do love watching them grow, learn, mature. This however does not translate into me being a good mother. or even me wanting to be a mother. So what if I'm good with kids. There are tons of people out there who are. And there are tons who aren't and still have children.

Sometimes I feel like so much pressure is put on people to have kids when they don't want to. Like I know my mom really really wants grandchildren. And being one of two in a family puts a lot more pressure on me. I have never understood how some people have known that they want a family for years and years. When I try to picture my self with a family, it just feels awkward and forced, which can't be a good sign. But when I picture myself in an apartment with a husband in the city, it feels so natural.